Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XLVI
Charles Stuart: The chapel looks splendid Reverend.
Reverend: Why thank you, my good man. We shall have a lovely service.
Charles: There had better be no glitches this time, as there were in your previous ceremony.
Reverend: I assure you sir. All will go off like clock work.
Charles: Here is some incentive for you. A sum of one thousand Pounds Sterling will be yours with a flawless wedding service.
Reverend: Oh My Lord. You are more than generous. Your daughter's happiness must be very important to you.
Charles: However, should there be any unforseen difficulties, you will pay a severe price for your negligence.
Reverend: My Lord. We shall have nothing but smooth sailing as the happy couple are united in holy matrimony.
Charles: That is unimportant. What is important is the wedding go entirely according to the plan.
Reverend: I have my assistants making their preparations, even as we speak.
Charles: I will not be trifled with, Reverend. Your failure will be your demise. Your success will result in rewards beyond any your alleged Heavenly Father would ever provide.
Reverend: There is no need to resort to such blasphemy in the Lord's House.
Charles: I am the only Lord here. You would be best advised to remember that fact.
Reverend: I shall not be able to forget any of it My Lord.
Charles: I am pleased that you understand who the Lord truly is in this place. After the marriage, there will be no doubt in anyone's minds as to that fact either.
Reverend (silently): Forgive me Father for what I am about to do.
Comments
Reverend: Why thank you, my good man. We shall have a lovely service.
Charles: There had better be no glitches this time, as there were in your previous ceremony.
Reverend: I assure you sir. All will go off like clock work.
Charles: Here is some incentive for you. A sum of one thousand Pounds Sterling will be yours with a flawless wedding service.
Reverend: Oh My Lord. You are more than generous. Your daughter's happiness must be very important to you.
Charles: However, should there be any unforseen difficulties, you will pay a severe price for your negligence.
Reverend: My Lord. We shall have nothing but smooth sailing as the happy couple are united in holy matrimony.
Charles: That is unimportant. What is important is the wedding go entirely according to the plan.
Reverend: I have my assistants making their preparations, even as we speak.
Charles: I will not be trifled with, Reverend. Your failure will be your demise. Your success will result in rewards beyond any your alleged Heavenly Father would ever provide.
Reverend: There is no need to resort to such blasphemy in the Lord's House.
Charles: I am the only Lord here. You would be best advised to remember that fact.
Reverend: I shall not be able to forget any of it My Lord.
Charles: I am pleased that you understand who the Lord truly is in this place. After the marriage, there will be no doubt in anyone's minds as to that fact either.
Reverend (silently): Forgive me Father for what I am about to do.
Comments
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XLV
Uncle Cyrus: Will you two please hurry up.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Codswallop has the runs. It's a nervous stomach, I think.
Uncle Cyrus: Well, have him finish and get a move on.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, he was moving alright.
Uncle Cyrus: Charles will be so upset and angry if we are late.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He will be upset and angry if we are early too.
Uncle Cyrus: Have you no concern for our well being.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep. So I am in no hurry either. By the way, this bowtie is too tight.
Uncle Cyrus: You will have to grin and bear it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Can I loosen it a little. No one is looking at me anyway. I feel like an escaped penguin, lost from the North Pole.
Uncle Cyrus: Penguins live at the South Pole, you nincompoop.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I said I was lost.
Uncle Cyrus: Will you go and get that nephew of mine?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm not going in there after what he's been doing.
Uncle Cyrus: Then I guess we shall simply have to wait and hope that Charles does not get too angry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: One thing is sure. Charles gets mad no matter what you do.
Uncle Cyrus: Do you not realize that this marriage will cement the bonds of the Stuart and Codswallop families in fame and fortune.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or more likely end us up wrapped in cement at the bottom of the ocean.
Uncle Cyrus: You are certainly a cynical chap.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I do my share of sinning.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, I am ready. I do hope that I am never far from a lavatory, however.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hope it doesn't stink too bad in there.
Uncle Cyrus: Why would that be a concern of yours? We are leaving for the wedding.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You guys go on ahead. I have to go to the bathroom.
Uncle Cyrus: Your presence is required as well. You are an integral part of the wedding party.
Mr. Flapdoodle : Well, the party and the presents will have to wait until I'm done.
Uncle Cyrus: Very well then. Quick march. Double time.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Does he always talk like that?
Mr. Codswallop: I am afraid that he does indeed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No wonder your family is all nuts.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Codswallop has the runs. It's a nervous stomach, I think.
Uncle Cyrus: Well, have him finish and get a move on.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, he was moving alright.
Uncle Cyrus: Charles will be so upset and angry if we are late.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He will be upset and angry if we are early too.
Uncle Cyrus: Have you no concern for our well being.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep. So I am in no hurry either. By the way, this bowtie is too tight.
Uncle Cyrus: You will have to grin and bear it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Can I loosen it a little. No one is looking at me anyway. I feel like an escaped penguin, lost from the North Pole.
Uncle Cyrus: Penguins live at the South Pole, you nincompoop.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I said I was lost.
Uncle Cyrus: Will you go and get that nephew of mine?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm not going in there after what he's been doing.
Uncle Cyrus: Then I guess we shall simply have to wait and hope that Charles does not get too angry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: One thing is sure. Charles gets mad no matter what you do.
Uncle Cyrus: Do you not realize that this marriage will cement the bonds of the Stuart and Codswallop families in fame and fortune.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or more likely end us up wrapped in cement at the bottom of the ocean.
Uncle Cyrus: You are certainly a cynical chap.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I do my share of sinning.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, I am ready. I do hope that I am never far from a lavatory, however.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hope it doesn't stink too bad in there.
Uncle Cyrus: Why would that be a concern of yours? We are leaving for the wedding.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You guys go on ahead. I have to go to the bathroom.
Uncle Cyrus: Your presence is required as well. You are an integral part of the wedding party.
Mr. Flapdoodle : Well, the party and the presents will have to wait until I'm done.
Uncle Cyrus: Very well then. Quick march. Double time.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Does he always talk like that?
Mr. Codswallop: I am afraid that he does indeed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No wonder your family is all nuts.
Comments
Monday, March 29, 2004
Blogger Page Ant
Mr. Codswallop: As you are already aware, Darren Rowse, the Blogger Idol gentleman has declared this week's topic to be a question for a beauty pageant contestant.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That certainly lets you out.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe he wants us to speculate on the wisdom of the questions that are posed to the young ladies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I saw the ladies posed, but I didn't hear any questions.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps if you were not so purient in your proclivities, you would recognize these ladies for their talent and intelligence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Their talents are very obvious. I like the swimsuit competition. I caught you looking very closely at the evening gown competition.
Mr. Codswallop: I was wanting to notice the culture and poise of the young ladies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And how they filled out those gowns.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, that is enough of this idle chit chat...
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought that it was all Idol chit chat. Wasn't that the point of this?
Mr. Codswallop: If you did not so rudely interrupt my train of thought...
Mr. Flapdoodle: That train left the station a long time ago.
Mr. Codswallop: We are to attempt to answer one of the young ladies' questions.
Mr. Flapdoodle: OK, fire away. I watched all the shows.
Mr. Codswallop: Alright then, here is one that should be right up your alley.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Ah, a bowling question.
Mr. Codswallop: Here is the question. "There's a lot of "man-bashing" today. Why?"
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh good a rasslin' question. I think that it's because the rasslin' is so popular. You see the man get bashed around the ring and no one really gets hurt either.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe the question was pertaining to the belief that men are responsible of all of the world's troubles.
Mr. Flapdoodle: What does that have to do with the rasslin'?
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not feel, as a man, partially at fault for the world's woes, and for the subjugation of women.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought the pageant was about women being judged.
Mr. Codswallop: You must look at the larger world stage here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like the Miss World pagent?
Mr. Codswallop: I believe that the question was about larger issues than that one.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I know, you want a prediction on who will host the Miss Universe pageant.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe I should have selected a different question.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I think mine would win any young lady Miss Congeniality, and I would ask her to go to the rasslin' matches with me.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe your question would doom any young lady to last place.
Mr. Flapdoodle: All of the young ladies look, act, and sound like winners to me.
Mr. Codswallop: I would have to agree with you on that response.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: That certainly lets you out.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe he wants us to speculate on the wisdom of the questions that are posed to the young ladies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I saw the ladies posed, but I didn't hear any questions.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps if you were not so purient in your proclivities, you would recognize these ladies for their talent and intelligence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Their talents are very obvious. I like the swimsuit competition. I caught you looking very closely at the evening gown competition.
Mr. Codswallop: I was wanting to notice the culture and poise of the young ladies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And how they filled out those gowns.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, that is enough of this idle chit chat...
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought that it was all Idol chit chat. Wasn't that the point of this?
Mr. Codswallop: If you did not so rudely interrupt my train of thought...
Mr. Flapdoodle: That train left the station a long time ago.
Mr. Codswallop: We are to attempt to answer one of the young ladies' questions.
Mr. Flapdoodle: OK, fire away. I watched all the shows.
Mr. Codswallop: Alright then, here is one that should be right up your alley.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Ah, a bowling question.
Mr. Codswallop: Here is the question. "There's a lot of "man-bashing" today. Why?"
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh good a rasslin' question. I think that it's because the rasslin' is so popular. You see the man get bashed around the ring and no one really gets hurt either.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe the question was pertaining to the belief that men are responsible of all of the world's troubles.
Mr. Flapdoodle: What does that have to do with the rasslin'?
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not feel, as a man, partially at fault for the world's woes, and for the subjugation of women.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought the pageant was about women being judged.
Mr. Codswallop: You must look at the larger world stage here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like the Miss World pagent?
Mr. Codswallop: I believe that the question was about larger issues than that one.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I know, you want a prediction on who will host the Miss Universe pageant.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe I should have selected a different question.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I think mine would win any young lady Miss Congeniality, and I would ask her to go to the rasslin' matches with me.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe your question would doom any young lady to last place.
Mr. Flapdoodle: All of the young ladies look, act, and sound like winners to me.
Mr. Codswallop: I would have to agree with you on that response.
Comments
Sunday, March 28, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XLIV
Charles Stuart: Are you dressed yet my dear?
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Elizabeth is almost ready. She will still be a few moments.
Charles: I cannot imagine how dressing could possibly take her so long.
Her Ladyship: Elizabeth wants to look her best for her wedding day.
Charles: Well, I must say that you look extremely fetching yourself.
Her Ladyship: Well thank you sir. I wanted to look my best as well, despite being the bridesmaid.
Charles: Why should such a thing be of concern to you?
Her Ladyship: You are a rather dense man, are you not?
Charles: Hold your impudent tongue, young lady. You will not speak to me that way.
Her Ladyship: I know the entire plan. I could expose it any time that I choose.
Charles: No one would ever believe you, a hysterical woman, desperate for attention of any kind.
Her Ladyship: You might be surprised what I can do.
Charles: If you mean getting the support of that ridiculous Cyrus Codswallop, he will be out of the picture very shortly.
Her Ladyship: I care little for that man myself.
Charles: You had better make certain of whose side you are on. An improper selection could have dire consequences.
Her Ladyship: I have chosen the right side. It is merely up to that side to appreciate my selection.
Charles: I appreciate your choice.
Her Ladyship: I certainly hope that you do.
Charles: Now where is that daughter of mine?
Her Ladyship: I shall go an check on her dressing progress. Comments
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Elizabeth is almost ready. She will still be a few moments.
Charles: I cannot imagine how dressing could possibly take her so long.
Her Ladyship: Elizabeth wants to look her best for her wedding day.
Charles: Well, I must say that you look extremely fetching yourself.
Her Ladyship: Well thank you sir. I wanted to look my best as well, despite being the bridesmaid.
Charles: Why should such a thing be of concern to you?
Her Ladyship: You are a rather dense man, are you not?
Charles: Hold your impudent tongue, young lady. You will not speak to me that way.
Her Ladyship: I know the entire plan. I could expose it any time that I choose.
Charles: No one would ever believe you, a hysterical woman, desperate for attention of any kind.
Her Ladyship: You might be surprised what I can do.
Charles: If you mean getting the support of that ridiculous Cyrus Codswallop, he will be out of the picture very shortly.
Her Ladyship: I care little for that man myself.
Charles: You had better make certain of whose side you are on. An improper selection could have dire consequences.
Her Ladyship: I have chosen the right side. It is merely up to that side to appreciate my selection.
Charles: I appreciate your choice.
Her Ladyship: I certainly hope that you do.
Charles: Now where is that daughter of mine?
Her Ladyship: I shall go an check on her dressing progress. Comments
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XLIII
Uncle Cyrus: Where is that fool of a Flapdoodle?
Charles Stuart: Should anyone care at all where that dolt has located himself?
Uncle Cyrus: I agreed to allow my nephew to have his friend stand as his best man.
Charles: That position is to be for Joseph. It is to maintain order during the ceremony.
Uncle Cyrus: My nephew will cause fewer problems with his friend beside him. In any case, we can watch them both at the same time.
Charles: While I would prefer Joseph keep his eye on your nephew, your concept does have some merit.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe it does as well. Now all we have to do is to locate them.
Charles: Do you mean to say that you have no idea of their whereabouts?
Uncle Cyrus: They are just outside, getting some air.
Charles: We had best make certain that they are not attempting yet another escape.
Mr. Codswallop: Are you both ready for this funeral...I mean wedding?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I even have the ring. Do I get paid for this?
Charles: It is very fortunate that you have reappeared. Very fortunate indeed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Can you make a little nip of something appear? It would take a bit of the edge off.
Charles: Have you been drinking, lad?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Only a little nip.
Charles: And you young Codswallop?
Mr. Codswallop: You would not deny a condemned man his last drink?
Uncle Cyrus: Charles, you had better get back to your daughter.
Charles: She is still getting ready. I cannot believe how slow she can be at her dressing.
Mr. Codswallop: I Just hope she is that slow at undressing too.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She likely makes an exception for that.
Charles: How dare you speak of my beloved daughter in such an insolent tone.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She wears insoles? Does she have a foot problem?
Mr. Codswallop: No, she merely has a family insanity problem.
Charles: You two are testing the limits of my patience.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't know you had any.
Mr. Codswallop: He only has it for show. Do not take it at all seriously.
Charles: I am going to check on my daughter's progress. Cyrus, I am leaving you in charge of these buffoons.
Uncle Cyrus: They will be at the altar when you escort your daughter to her vows.
Mr. Codswallop: You never were this efficient before. Why should you start at this particular moment?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Want a drink? I found a bottle.
Mr. Codswallop: Make it a strong one. We will be requiring it today. Comments
Charles Stuart: Should anyone care at all where that dolt has located himself?
Uncle Cyrus: I agreed to allow my nephew to have his friend stand as his best man.
Charles: That position is to be for Joseph. It is to maintain order during the ceremony.
Uncle Cyrus: My nephew will cause fewer problems with his friend beside him. In any case, we can watch them both at the same time.
Charles: While I would prefer Joseph keep his eye on your nephew, your concept does have some merit.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe it does as well. Now all we have to do is to locate them.
Charles: Do you mean to say that you have no idea of their whereabouts?
Uncle Cyrus: They are just outside, getting some air.
Charles: We had best make certain that they are not attempting yet another escape.
Mr. Codswallop: Are you both ready for this funeral...I mean wedding?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I even have the ring. Do I get paid for this?
Charles: It is very fortunate that you have reappeared. Very fortunate indeed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Can you make a little nip of something appear? It would take a bit of the edge off.
Charles: Have you been drinking, lad?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Only a little nip.
Charles: And you young Codswallop?
Mr. Codswallop: You would not deny a condemned man his last drink?
Uncle Cyrus: Charles, you had better get back to your daughter.
Charles: She is still getting ready. I cannot believe how slow she can be at her dressing.
Mr. Codswallop: I Just hope she is that slow at undressing too.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She likely makes an exception for that.
Charles: How dare you speak of my beloved daughter in such an insolent tone.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She wears insoles? Does she have a foot problem?
Mr. Codswallop: No, she merely has a family insanity problem.
Charles: You two are testing the limits of my patience.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't know you had any.
Mr. Codswallop: He only has it for show. Do not take it at all seriously.
Charles: I am going to check on my daughter's progress. Cyrus, I am leaving you in charge of these buffoons.
Uncle Cyrus: They will be at the altar when you escort your daughter to her vows.
Mr. Codswallop: You never were this efficient before. Why should you start at this particular moment?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Want a drink? I found a bottle.
Mr. Codswallop: Make it a strong one. We will be requiring it today. Comments
Friday, March 26, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XLII
Charles Stuart: I must say that the chapel looks splendid.
Uncle Cyrus: The entire place looks immaculate and ready for the ceremony.
Mr. Codswallop: Yes, my funeral service.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't know you were even sick.
Charles: If anything ruins this event, there will be consequences.
Reverend: Is everything in order, sir?
Charles: Yes, Reverend, we are almost ready.
Mr. Codswallop: Speak for yourself.
Charles: I am off to find my daughter to escort down the aisle.
Mr. Codswallop: There is really no need to rush on my acount.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe that is indeed the necessity of rushing the matter.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Everyone is in such a hurry. I'm going outside.
Uncle Cyrus: Do not go far. The wedding will begin in short order.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then I'd better order some lunch quick.
Mr. Codswallop: There is really no need to hurry back.
Uncle Cyrus: This is indeed a glorious day, my boy. Our families wedded and our fortunes made in the New World Order.
Mr. Codswallop: Speak for yourself. You are not the condemned man in this charade.
Uncle Cyrus: We shall have wealth and power beyond imagination.
Mr. Codswallop: I would prefer to imagine it while remaining unwed.
Uncle Cyrus: You will grow to enjoy the situation. By the way, Joseph will be your best man again.
Mr. Codswallop: If I am going to be married, I would prefer to stand with Flapdoodle as the best man.
Uncle Cyrus: That oaf is not the best at anything. Well, perhaps at making an utter fool of himself.
Mr. Codswallop: Elizabeth has her choice of her Ladyship. I would like to have mine.
Uncle Cyrus: I can not see how it could do any real harm. I shall ask Charles.
Mr. Codswallop: Forget Charles. Let us simply do this on our own.
Uncle Cyrus: Yes, take the proverbial bull by the horns. I say, my boy, you are impressing me.
Mr. Codswallop: I hope so, for once.
Uncle Cyrus: Where is that best man of yours?
Mr. Codswallop: He has gone outdoors. He will return in time.
Comments
Uncle Cyrus: The entire place looks immaculate and ready for the ceremony.
Mr. Codswallop: Yes, my funeral service.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't know you were even sick.
Charles: If anything ruins this event, there will be consequences.
Reverend: Is everything in order, sir?
Charles: Yes, Reverend, we are almost ready.
Mr. Codswallop: Speak for yourself.
Charles: I am off to find my daughter to escort down the aisle.
Mr. Codswallop: There is really no need to rush on my acount.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe that is indeed the necessity of rushing the matter.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Everyone is in such a hurry. I'm going outside.
Uncle Cyrus: Do not go far. The wedding will begin in short order.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then I'd better order some lunch quick.
Mr. Codswallop: There is really no need to hurry back.
Uncle Cyrus: This is indeed a glorious day, my boy. Our families wedded and our fortunes made in the New World Order.
Mr. Codswallop: Speak for yourself. You are not the condemned man in this charade.
Uncle Cyrus: We shall have wealth and power beyond imagination.
Mr. Codswallop: I would prefer to imagine it while remaining unwed.
Uncle Cyrus: You will grow to enjoy the situation. By the way, Joseph will be your best man again.
Mr. Codswallop: If I am going to be married, I would prefer to stand with Flapdoodle as the best man.
Uncle Cyrus: That oaf is not the best at anything. Well, perhaps at making an utter fool of himself.
Mr. Codswallop: Elizabeth has her choice of her Ladyship. I would like to have mine.
Uncle Cyrus: I can not see how it could do any real harm. I shall ask Charles.
Mr. Codswallop: Forget Charles. Let us simply do this on our own.
Uncle Cyrus: Yes, take the proverbial bull by the horns. I say, my boy, you are impressing me.
Mr. Codswallop: I hope so, for once.
Uncle Cyrus: Where is that best man of yours?
Mr. Codswallop: He has gone outdoors. He will return in time.
Comments
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XLI
Charles Stuart: This wedding ceremony had better go as planned or there will be retribution extracted.
Uncle Cyrus: Yes, my boy, you had better continue to look sharp.
Mr. Codswallop: I would prefer to not look at all.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Who is having some part removed?
Charles: One more superfluous remark from you Flapdoodle, and you will be removed from this chamber.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought it was a room.
Charles: Flapdoodle, are you as daft as you appear?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hear you just fine.
Charles: I expect you to be on your best behaviour while your friend and my daughter are united in matrimony.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why does everyone tell me that? My school teachers always said that too.
Charles: Because you are an imbecile, that is why.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Jst because I flunked a few times in school, you have to rub it in.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, I am as prepared to meet my doom as I shall ever be.
Uncle Cyrus: That is the Codswallop spirit. Do one's duty above all else.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The wedding is going to be on a roof this time?
Uncle Cyrus: I can not wait for the Stuart and the Codswallop families to be joined as one by the bonds of marriage.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's the first smart thing anyone has said yet. Bonds. That's marriage alright.
Mr. Codswallop: There is certainly no need to keep reminding me of that unpleasantry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I aim to please.
Charles: We must be off. The bride awaits our arrival. Comments
Uncle Cyrus: Yes, my boy, you had better continue to look sharp.
Mr. Codswallop: I would prefer to not look at all.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Who is having some part removed?
Charles: One more superfluous remark from you Flapdoodle, and you will be removed from this chamber.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought it was a room.
Charles: Flapdoodle, are you as daft as you appear?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hear you just fine.
Charles: I expect you to be on your best behaviour while your friend and my daughter are united in matrimony.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why does everyone tell me that? My school teachers always said that too.
Charles: Because you are an imbecile, that is why.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Jst because I flunked a few times in school, you have to rub it in.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, I am as prepared to meet my doom as I shall ever be.
Uncle Cyrus: That is the Codswallop spirit. Do one's duty above all else.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The wedding is going to be on a roof this time?
Uncle Cyrus: I can not wait for the Stuart and the Codswallop families to be joined as one by the bonds of marriage.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's the first smart thing anyone has said yet. Bonds. That's marriage alright.
Mr. Codswallop: There is certainly no need to keep reminding me of that unpleasantry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I aim to please.
Charles: We must be off. The bride awaits our arrival. Comments
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XL
Mr. Codswallop: I see that our clothing is already supplied for this nightmare.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why do I have to dress up? I'm not getting married.
Mr. Codswallop: At least you don't have a tuxedo that makes you look like a waiter.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are the waiter too? You sure are busy. No wonder you're cranky.
Mr. Codswallop: I prefer to think of it as righteous indignation.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Whatever you say. By the way, I'll have a double whisky.
Mr. Codswallop: I don't see any liquor here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's okay. I was just getting you in practice for being a waiter.
Mr. Codswallop: I am not becoming a waiter. I merely look as though that were my profession.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Will you have time off from your waiter job to get married today? I hope your boss is good that way.
Mr. Codswallop: I would rather not become a bridegroom today.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I guess you didn't get the time off.
Mr. Codswallop: We must formulate a plan to escape from this lunatic asylum.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Can you tie my tie?
Mr. Codswallop: Yes, I can. Why can't you?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I can tie a tie. I would just rather not have to wear one. I'm not getting married.
Mr. Codswallop: Stop your incessant whining. You are not the one condemned to this horror.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No need to get upset. I'll tie it myself. Can you tie yours?
Mr. Codswallop: Yes, it's a bowtie, but I know how to knot it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Not it what?
Mr. Codswallop: I know how to tie a proper knot for a bowtie for formal attire.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why would you need a tire? Do you have a getaway car that needs one.
Mr. Codswallop: Flapdoodle, you may have hit upon a brilliant plan.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have?
Mr. Codswallop: You have indeed. Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why do I have to dress up? I'm not getting married.
Mr. Codswallop: At least you don't have a tuxedo that makes you look like a waiter.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are the waiter too? You sure are busy. No wonder you're cranky.
Mr. Codswallop: I prefer to think of it as righteous indignation.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Whatever you say. By the way, I'll have a double whisky.
Mr. Codswallop: I don't see any liquor here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's okay. I was just getting you in practice for being a waiter.
Mr. Codswallop: I am not becoming a waiter. I merely look as though that were my profession.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Will you have time off from your waiter job to get married today? I hope your boss is good that way.
Mr. Codswallop: I would rather not become a bridegroom today.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I guess you didn't get the time off.
Mr. Codswallop: We must formulate a plan to escape from this lunatic asylum.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Can you tie my tie?
Mr. Codswallop: Yes, I can. Why can't you?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I can tie a tie. I would just rather not have to wear one. I'm not getting married.
Mr. Codswallop: Stop your incessant whining. You are not the one condemned to this horror.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No need to get upset. I'll tie it myself. Can you tie yours?
Mr. Codswallop: Yes, it's a bowtie, but I know how to knot it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Not it what?
Mr. Codswallop: I know how to tie a proper knot for a bowtie for formal attire.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why would you need a tire? Do you have a getaway car that needs one.
Mr. Codswallop: Flapdoodle, you may have hit upon a brilliant plan.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have?
Mr. Codswallop: You have indeed. Comments
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Putting away childish things...or not
Mr. Codswallop: That chap Darren Rowse at Blogger Idol most certainly had you in mind when he asked for a discussion of "Childhood Treasures".
Mr. Flapdoodle: They are not childhood things. They are still tresures and you keep trying to throw them out.
Mr. Codswallop: If you are referring to those moth eaten and mould encrusted comic books, you are correct.
Mr. Flapdoodle: There might be a few holes but you can read around them.
Mr. Codswallop: You mean you decipher them in the manner of the Dead Sea Scrolls?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't know if the dead can see any scrolls, but i'll bet their friends saved them, and didn't throw them out.
Mr. Codswallop: Those wretched comic books smell terribly.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Nothing a little airing wouldn't solve.
Mr. Codswallop: We must also do something about all of your toys. You are far too old to have toy cars and trucks around.
Mr. Flapodoodle: Those are classics. They don't make them anymore.
Mr. Codswallop: I realize that, but must you pretend to drive them around the floor?
Mr. Flapdoodle: It relaxes me. A case of beer and a box of toys does wonders for your stress. You should try it.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe you have ever advanced intellectually beyond childhood.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They told me that at school too. They let me pass anyway, so it seemed to work.
Mr. Codswallop: St. Paul says when you become a man you must put away childish thingg.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He also said to take a little wine for the stomach. I followed that advice. One out of two isn't bad. Kinda like a coin toss.
Mr. Codswallop: You simply fail to realize that in the modern world, acting like a child, will find your chances at success greatly inhibited.
Mr.Flapdoodle: And your chances of an ulcer and a stroke go up if you grow up.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe it is high time you discarded your childhood treasures and moved on to the next stage in your life.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want me to play on the stage?
Mr. Codswallop: We must send those old worn out momentos to their reward.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You get someone to give me a reward, for the comic books and toys, and they're gone.
Mr. Codswallop: You have grown up in some ways. You are finally seeing the light.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I can use the cash, to get a a great train set I was looking at, down at the hobby shop.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no way to win for me here, is there?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Nope. But some cartoons are starting on TV. Want to watch?
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: They are not childhood things. They are still tresures and you keep trying to throw them out.
Mr. Codswallop: If you are referring to those moth eaten and mould encrusted comic books, you are correct.
Mr. Flapdoodle: There might be a few holes but you can read around them.
Mr. Codswallop: You mean you decipher them in the manner of the Dead Sea Scrolls?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't know if the dead can see any scrolls, but i'll bet their friends saved them, and didn't throw them out.
Mr. Codswallop: Those wretched comic books smell terribly.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Nothing a little airing wouldn't solve.
Mr. Codswallop: We must also do something about all of your toys. You are far too old to have toy cars and trucks around.
Mr. Flapodoodle: Those are classics. They don't make them anymore.
Mr. Codswallop: I realize that, but must you pretend to drive them around the floor?
Mr. Flapdoodle: It relaxes me. A case of beer and a box of toys does wonders for your stress. You should try it.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe you have ever advanced intellectually beyond childhood.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They told me that at school too. They let me pass anyway, so it seemed to work.
Mr. Codswallop: St. Paul says when you become a man you must put away childish thingg.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He also said to take a little wine for the stomach. I followed that advice. One out of two isn't bad. Kinda like a coin toss.
Mr. Codswallop: You simply fail to realize that in the modern world, acting like a child, will find your chances at success greatly inhibited.
Mr.Flapdoodle: And your chances of an ulcer and a stroke go up if you grow up.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe it is high time you discarded your childhood treasures and moved on to the next stage in your life.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want me to play on the stage?
Mr. Codswallop: We must send those old worn out momentos to their reward.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You get someone to give me a reward, for the comic books and toys, and they're gone.
Mr. Codswallop: You have grown up in some ways. You are finally seeing the light.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I can use the cash, to get a a great train set I was looking at, down at the hobby shop.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no way to win for me here, is there?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Nope. But some cartoons are starting on TV. Want to watch?
Comments
Monday, March 22, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXXVIX
Mr. Codswallop: Have you not got an automobile started as of yet?
Mr. Flapdoodle: If I had a real car to start, it would really help.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, instead of your constant complaints, a little effort would be much better.
Mr. Flapdoodle: There! Got it. Purring like a kitten with a stomach ache.
Mr. Codswallop: your graphic descriptions are not getting us out of here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: These British cars aren't doing much for us either.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us get going then.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I think we have a problem.
Charles Stuart: Where are you two reprobates off to this fine morning?
Mr. Flapdoodle: You have some bait? Let's go fishing.
Uncle Cyrus: My nephew has a wedding to attend.
Mr. Codswallop: That is nice. Who is getting married?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Weddings. Fishing. Can't anyone make up their mind.
Mr. Codswallop: If not, we must be on our way then.
Charles Stuart: Silence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You sure do like things quiet don't you.
Charles: You will not make a fool out of my daughter again, Codswallop.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe she requires my assistance in that regard.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You tell old Chuck!
Charles: There shall be a wedding, and you will not miss it.
Uncle Cyrus: Buck up, my lad. It will be a glorious day for all of us.
Mr. Codswallop: Speak for yourself.
Charles: Your tuxedo is already set out, and you will not wear those lurid robes on this occasion.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sounds boring already. Is there an open bar?
Charles: I am warning you Flapdoodle. Should you even harbour a single thought, which for you would be an unusual state, of ruining this sacred event, you will pay dearly.
Mr. Flapdoodle: There's a wedding cover charge in your state?
Charles: Let us begin the marriage. Off we go.
Mr. Codswallop: It is entirely too bad that you did not get one of those automobiles started and run over me.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never thought of that. Maybe next time.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: If I had a real car to start, it would really help.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, instead of your constant complaints, a little effort would be much better.
Mr. Flapdoodle: There! Got it. Purring like a kitten with a stomach ache.
Mr. Codswallop: your graphic descriptions are not getting us out of here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: These British cars aren't doing much for us either.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us get going then.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I think we have a problem.
Charles Stuart: Where are you two reprobates off to this fine morning?
Mr. Flapdoodle: You have some bait? Let's go fishing.
Uncle Cyrus: My nephew has a wedding to attend.
Mr. Codswallop: That is nice. Who is getting married?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Weddings. Fishing. Can't anyone make up their mind.
Mr. Codswallop: If not, we must be on our way then.
Charles Stuart: Silence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You sure do like things quiet don't you.
Charles: You will not make a fool out of my daughter again, Codswallop.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe she requires my assistance in that regard.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You tell old Chuck!
Charles: There shall be a wedding, and you will not miss it.
Uncle Cyrus: Buck up, my lad. It will be a glorious day for all of us.
Mr. Codswallop: Speak for yourself.
Charles: Your tuxedo is already set out, and you will not wear those lurid robes on this occasion.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sounds boring already. Is there an open bar?
Charles: I am warning you Flapdoodle. Should you even harbour a single thought, which for you would be an unusual state, of ruining this sacred event, you will pay dearly.
Mr. Flapdoodle: There's a wedding cover charge in your state?
Charles: Let us begin the marriage. Off we go.
Mr. Codswallop: It is entirely too bad that you did not get one of those automobiles started and run over me.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never thought of that. Maybe next time.
Comments
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXXVIII
Mr. Codswallop: Be as quiet as possible. We do not want our escape discovered.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oops. Sorry about that garbage can.
Mr. Codswallop: Try to be more careful and over here, they are referred to as dust bins.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't see any dust in there, but there were lots of things I don't ever want to see again.
Mr. Codswallop: Do try to not to be so clumsy.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was walking along, minding my own business, and the can or bin or whatever it is, simply tipped over.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no time for this foolishness. We know Charles Stuart, Uncle Cyrus, and Joseph will be tracking us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, at least the guards are out of it.
Mr. Codswallop: That is simply a minor and inconsequential consolation.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Who's a minor? One of the guards? They looked of old enough to drink, to me.
Mr. Codswallop: We must hurry. Our window of escape is closing rapidly.
Mr. Flapdoodle: What window? We came out the door. Are we supposed to crawl through some window?
Mr. Codswallop: Never mind.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You could at least tell me your plan. Windows, doors, minors. I'm lost.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt if anyone would dispute that claim.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Someone has a claim? Is that what we are after?
Mr. Codswallop: We are going to get an automobile.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Try to pick one that isn't British this time. It would be nice if the car could at least make the speed limit.
Mr. Codswallop: You are not appreciative of the fine capabilities of British engineering.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't know about their trains, but their cars don't work very well.
Mr. Codswallop: Here we are. This is the garage.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Let me hotwire an American car. I trust them.
Mr. Codswallop: There are no American cars here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, then it's the slow lane from here to freedom. Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oops. Sorry about that garbage can.
Mr. Codswallop: Try to be more careful and over here, they are referred to as dust bins.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't see any dust in there, but there were lots of things I don't ever want to see again.
Mr. Codswallop: Do try to not to be so clumsy.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was walking along, minding my own business, and the can or bin or whatever it is, simply tipped over.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no time for this foolishness. We know Charles Stuart, Uncle Cyrus, and Joseph will be tracking us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, at least the guards are out of it.
Mr. Codswallop: That is simply a minor and inconsequential consolation.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Who's a minor? One of the guards? They looked of old enough to drink, to me.
Mr. Codswallop: We must hurry. Our window of escape is closing rapidly.
Mr. Flapdoodle: What window? We came out the door. Are we supposed to crawl through some window?
Mr. Codswallop: Never mind.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You could at least tell me your plan. Windows, doors, minors. I'm lost.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt if anyone would dispute that claim.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Someone has a claim? Is that what we are after?
Mr. Codswallop: We are going to get an automobile.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Try to pick one that isn't British this time. It would be nice if the car could at least make the speed limit.
Mr. Codswallop: You are not appreciative of the fine capabilities of British engineering.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't know about their trains, but their cars don't work very well.
Mr. Codswallop: Here we are. This is the garage.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Let me hotwire an American car. I trust them.
Mr. Codswallop: There are no American cars here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, then it's the slow lane from here to freedom. Comments
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXXVII
Mr. Codswallop: I cannot sleep.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, it is your wedding tomorrow.
Mr. Codswallop: That is certainly the reason.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We need to throw you a bachelor party.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt if that would help.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It can't hurt. I'll break out the supplies.
Mr. Codswallop: How can you think of celebrations at a time like this.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then think of it as a wake. Any reason is good enough for me.
Mr Codswallop: You might have a point there.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's the spirit. Better to face disaster drunk than sober.
Mr. Codswallop: The guards will disapprove.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Great idea. Let's invite them too.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe that to be appropriate.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Too late. Here they come. Hey guys. What are you drinking?
Head guard: We are on duty sir.
Mr. Flapdoodle: As if we are going anywhere.
Head guard: Well, perhaps one drink will not bring any harm.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Drinks all around.
Mr. Codswallop: Yes, refreshments for everyone. Tomorrow is my wedding day.
Head guard: Then that calls for doubles all around at least.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I take it you are married?
Head guard: Was my lad, three times. All equally nightmares.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then an extra large one for you.
Several hours later.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe we are just walking, or rather staggering, right out the front door.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I told you a party was just what we needed.
Mr. Codswallop: The guards are all passed out fast asleep.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well instead of a wake, we threw a sleep instead.
Mr. Codswallop: We must get away from here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm with you on that one.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, it is your wedding tomorrow.
Mr. Codswallop: That is certainly the reason.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We need to throw you a bachelor party.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt if that would help.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It can't hurt. I'll break out the supplies.
Mr. Codswallop: How can you think of celebrations at a time like this.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then think of it as a wake. Any reason is good enough for me.
Mr Codswallop: You might have a point there.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's the spirit. Better to face disaster drunk than sober.
Mr. Codswallop: The guards will disapprove.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Great idea. Let's invite them too.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe that to be appropriate.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Too late. Here they come. Hey guys. What are you drinking?
Head guard: We are on duty sir.
Mr. Flapdoodle: As if we are going anywhere.
Head guard: Well, perhaps one drink will not bring any harm.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Drinks all around.
Mr. Codswallop: Yes, refreshments for everyone. Tomorrow is my wedding day.
Head guard: Then that calls for doubles all around at least.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I take it you are married?
Head guard: Was my lad, three times. All equally nightmares.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then an extra large one for you.
Several hours later.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe we are just walking, or rather staggering, right out the front door.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I told you a party was just what we needed.
Mr. Codswallop: The guards are all passed out fast asleep.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well instead of a wake, we threw a sleep instead.
Mr. Codswallop: We must get away from here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm with you on that one.
Comments
Friday, March 19, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXXVI
Joseph: I trust you will find your new accomodation acceptable.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yay. A bigger room.
Joseph: You find everything satisfactory then?
Mr. Flapdoodle: And a bigger bed! And some whisky. And not the cheap stuff.
Joseph: Then I will leave you to your rest. Tomorrow's a big day.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How is any bigger? Are there more hours over here than at home?
Joseph: Why it is Mr. Codswallop's wedding day, you oaf.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, you mean Codswallop and Elizabeth.
Joseph: Yes, are you that forgetful?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, there has been a lot going on. And I was wanting a bigger bed.
Joseph: You will be expected to be in attendance.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I wouldn't miss that for the world.
Joseph: You will be comfortable then. Good night.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Night Joe.
Mr. Codswallop (peeking out of the bathroom): Has Joseph gone as of yet?
Mr. Flapdoodle: He left and gave me a bigger bed and some whisky. Want some?
Mr. Codswallop: They are indeed planning the wedding. We must formulate a plan.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why would you want to form a late plan? Wouldn't an early one be better?
Mr. Codswallop: We have not got much time. If I wed Elizabeth, it will be all over for humanity and for freedom everywhere.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That Elizabeth sounds like a lot of human. She never looked that big to me.
Mr. Codswallop: I suppose I would not be able to have you as my best man.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, you know that in any drinking match, I am the best man.
Mr. Codswallop: We must get that position over to you, and not to Joseph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are worrying about positions and you aren't even married to Elizabeth yet?
Mr. Codswallop: I fear that this next ceremony will be much harder to escape than the first.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, let's sleep on it. I want to try the new bed. It's so big.
Mr. Codswallop: You can sleep. I will be attempting to plan.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You have already had the bigger bed, so it's no big deal to you.
Mr. Codswallop: Good night. Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yay. A bigger room.
Joseph: You find everything satisfactory then?
Mr. Flapdoodle: And a bigger bed! And some whisky. And not the cheap stuff.
Joseph: Then I will leave you to your rest. Tomorrow's a big day.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How is any bigger? Are there more hours over here than at home?
Joseph: Why it is Mr. Codswallop's wedding day, you oaf.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, you mean Codswallop and Elizabeth.
Joseph: Yes, are you that forgetful?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, there has been a lot going on. And I was wanting a bigger bed.
Joseph: You will be expected to be in attendance.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I wouldn't miss that for the world.
Joseph: You will be comfortable then. Good night.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Night Joe.
Mr. Codswallop (peeking out of the bathroom): Has Joseph gone as of yet?
Mr. Flapdoodle: He left and gave me a bigger bed and some whisky. Want some?
Mr. Codswallop: They are indeed planning the wedding. We must formulate a plan.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why would you want to form a late plan? Wouldn't an early one be better?
Mr. Codswallop: We have not got much time. If I wed Elizabeth, it will be all over for humanity and for freedom everywhere.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That Elizabeth sounds like a lot of human. She never looked that big to me.
Mr. Codswallop: I suppose I would not be able to have you as my best man.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, you know that in any drinking match, I am the best man.
Mr. Codswallop: We must get that position over to you, and not to Joseph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are worrying about positions and you aren't even married to Elizabeth yet?
Mr. Codswallop: I fear that this next ceremony will be much harder to escape than the first.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, let's sleep on it. I want to try the new bed. It's so big.
Mr. Codswallop: You can sleep. I will be attempting to plan.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You have already had the bigger bed, so it's no big deal to you.
Mr. Codswallop: Good night. Comments
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXXV
Charles Stuart: The wedding will take place this weekend as planned.
Uncle Cyrus: The groom has already agreed to the marriage.
Charles: There had better be no misunderstandings at this ceremony. You are fortunate that you and your imbecilic nephew survived the last one.
Uncle Cyrus: There will be no shenanigans at this one. My nephew in honoured to have the hand of your lovely daughter Elizabeth.
Elizabeth Stuart: I would hope that he displays more enthusiasm than he did the other evening.
Uncle Cyrus: He was nervous. You know. Cold feet and all that.
Charles: That had better be the case. I do not want my daughter humiliated by that colonial again.
Uncle Cyrus: Life in the colonies certainly lowers one's intelligence level, I must say.
Charles: America, Australia, Canada, New Zealand. They are all the same. They are countries lacking any proper culture, and are almost entirely devoid of any intelligence whatsoever.
Elizabeth: The men from those lands are rather dashing in a primitive sort of way.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I agree Elizabeth. There are some colonial men who do display some enticing qualities.
Uncle Cyrus: As a matter of fact, Your Ladyship, you were doing some enticing the other night with that revolting Flapdoodle creature. I thought only colonial women were that desperate for male companionship.
Her Ladyship: There was no flirtation Cyrus. You should know that as well as I do.
Uncle Cyrus: According to Flapdoodle, you were wanting to engage in some games of a sexual nature.
Her Ladyship: Now, now Cyrus, who would you believe? Me, or that drunken ruffian Flapdoodle?
Uncle Cyrus: He had no reason to lie.
Charles: I suspect that Flapdoodle would say anything to keep his skin. He may suspect he has little value to us once the wedding has taken place.
Uncle Cyrus: I doubt if the fool is intelligent enough to even know how to read, let alone discover anything untoward.
Charles: I hope for your sake that Flapdoodle does not influence your nephew in any way.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe Flapdoodle could be bought off with a larger room and some modest quality whisky.
Charles: Then it is so ordered. I will have Joseph take care of that matter at once.
Uncle Cyrus: He will not cause any problems whether he is inebriated or suffering from a hangover.
Charles: Every condemned man deserves a last drink.
Her Ladyship: What do you mean by that remark?
Charles: Flapdoodle will be executed and will no longer be able to soil Her Ladyship's reputation.
Her Ladyship: That is what I thought you meant.
Uncle Cyrus: I am so happy you are approving of our plans, Your Ladyship. We care about your unsullied image.
Comments
Uncle Cyrus: The groom has already agreed to the marriage.
Charles: There had better be no misunderstandings at this ceremony. You are fortunate that you and your imbecilic nephew survived the last one.
Uncle Cyrus: There will be no shenanigans at this one. My nephew in honoured to have the hand of your lovely daughter Elizabeth.
Elizabeth Stuart: I would hope that he displays more enthusiasm than he did the other evening.
Uncle Cyrus: He was nervous. You know. Cold feet and all that.
Charles: That had better be the case. I do not want my daughter humiliated by that colonial again.
Uncle Cyrus: Life in the colonies certainly lowers one's intelligence level, I must say.
Charles: America, Australia, Canada, New Zealand. They are all the same. They are countries lacking any proper culture, and are almost entirely devoid of any intelligence whatsoever.
Elizabeth: The men from those lands are rather dashing in a primitive sort of way.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I agree Elizabeth. There are some colonial men who do display some enticing qualities.
Uncle Cyrus: As a matter of fact, Your Ladyship, you were doing some enticing the other night with that revolting Flapdoodle creature. I thought only colonial women were that desperate for male companionship.
Her Ladyship: There was no flirtation Cyrus. You should know that as well as I do.
Uncle Cyrus: According to Flapdoodle, you were wanting to engage in some games of a sexual nature.
Her Ladyship: Now, now Cyrus, who would you believe? Me, or that drunken ruffian Flapdoodle?
Uncle Cyrus: He had no reason to lie.
Charles: I suspect that Flapdoodle would say anything to keep his skin. He may suspect he has little value to us once the wedding has taken place.
Uncle Cyrus: I doubt if the fool is intelligent enough to even know how to read, let alone discover anything untoward.
Charles: I hope for your sake that Flapdoodle does not influence your nephew in any way.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe Flapdoodle could be bought off with a larger room and some modest quality whisky.
Charles: Then it is so ordered. I will have Joseph take care of that matter at once.
Uncle Cyrus: He will not cause any problems whether he is inebriated or suffering from a hangover.
Charles: Every condemned man deserves a last drink.
Her Ladyship: What do you mean by that remark?
Charles: Flapdoodle will be executed and will no longer be able to soil Her Ladyship's reputation.
Her Ladyship: That is what I thought you meant.
Uncle Cyrus: I am so happy you are approving of our plans, Your Ladyship. We care about your unsullied image.
Comments
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXXIV
Uncle Cyrus: Well, my boy, are you ready for your wedding day.
Mr. Codswallop: To be perfectly candid and honest. No.
Uncle Cyrus: The plans are already in place. This marriage will occur whether you agree to it or not.
Mr. Codswallop: You will have no option but to use force.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The good old fashioned shotgun wedding lives on.
Uncle Cyrus: No one asked your opinion, Flapdoodle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You brought out the shotgun. I just call them as I see them.
Mr. Codswallop: There will be no wedding. I would prefer death, than to inflict the people of the world, to the rule of these scoundrels.
Mr. Flapdoodle: So there.
Uncle Cyrus: You leave me no choice. You are confined to your quarters until such time as the weddimg will take place.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How come he gets a bigger room?
Mr. Codswallop: I believe there are more important issues here than room size.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll bet Elizabeth thinks that way too.
Uncle Cyrus: Enough of this mindless blathering.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I want a laeger room. And a bigger bed too.
Uncle Cyrus: Ah, Joseph. So jolly good of you to arrive. Escort these two imbeciles back to their quarters. Use lethal force, if it is necessary.
Mr. Codswallop: How dare you address me as an imbecile.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Don't worry about it. He calls everyone that.
Joseph: Move along. Quick march. Back to your quarters.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey, Cy. Your manure pile lady tried to pick me up last night.
Uncle Cyrus: How dare you defame the good name of Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She wanted to play some private X games with me, if you get my drift.
Uncle Cyrus. Silence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You'd better keep an eye on her.
Joseph: Enough. On your way.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt if that outburst will endear you to Uncle Cyrus.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't want him dearing me anyway.
Joseph: Silence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You guys use that word a lot.
Joseph: You must begin to learn your place in the grand scheme of things.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Will my place be a larger room with a bigger bed?
Comments
Mr. Codswallop: To be perfectly candid and honest. No.
Uncle Cyrus: The plans are already in place. This marriage will occur whether you agree to it or not.
Mr. Codswallop: You will have no option but to use force.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The good old fashioned shotgun wedding lives on.
Uncle Cyrus: No one asked your opinion, Flapdoodle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You brought out the shotgun. I just call them as I see them.
Mr. Codswallop: There will be no wedding. I would prefer death, than to inflict the people of the world, to the rule of these scoundrels.
Mr. Flapdoodle: So there.
Uncle Cyrus: You leave me no choice. You are confined to your quarters until such time as the weddimg will take place.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How come he gets a bigger room?
Mr. Codswallop: I believe there are more important issues here than room size.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll bet Elizabeth thinks that way too.
Uncle Cyrus: Enough of this mindless blathering.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I want a laeger room. And a bigger bed too.
Uncle Cyrus: Ah, Joseph. So jolly good of you to arrive. Escort these two imbeciles back to their quarters. Use lethal force, if it is necessary.
Mr. Codswallop: How dare you address me as an imbecile.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Don't worry about it. He calls everyone that.
Joseph: Move along. Quick march. Back to your quarters.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey, Cy. Your manure pile lady tried to pick me up last night.
Uncle Cyrus: How dare you defame the good name of Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She wanted to play some private X games with me, if you get my drift.
Uncle Cyrus. Silence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You'd better keep an eye on her.
Joseph: Enough. On your way.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt if that outburst will endear you to Uncle Cyrus.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't want him dearing me anyway.
Joseph: Silence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You guys use that word a lot.
Joseph: You must begin to learn your place in the grand scheme of things.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Will my place be a larger room with a bigger bed?
Comments
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXXIII
Mr. Codswallop: I had a rather interesting visit from Elizabeth Stuart.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You dog, you.
Mr. Codswallop: It was not like that at all. At least it was not that way from my point of view.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It's okay. If you did the dirty, she's your fiance, not mine.
Mr. Codswallop: She is not my fiance.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Have it your way.
Mr. Codswallop: The woman attempted to kiss me.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I knew it. You are a romantic guy after all.
Mr. Codswallop: I did not kiss her. I refused and sent her away.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sure. Whatever you say.
Mr. Codswallop: She had a plan. I am certain of it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: A plan to seduce you? Wow. I never thought she was the type.
Mr. Codswallop: I have no interest in marrying her and being a part of their evil plan for global domination.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She is into domination. I like her more all the time.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you can explain your tryst with a certain Lady of Pyle Manor.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She wanted to play tic tac toe, which she called X's and tics. Must be the English name for the game.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt that is what Her Ladyship had in mind.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She seemed to be awfully interested in talking about manure and stuff.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe the women were attempting to compromise us into their plans.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, Her Ladyship went off to pile manure.
Mr. Codswallop: She never left. I saw her this morning. She appeared on her way to visit Elizabeth and Charles Stuart.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Piling manure is a hard job. It's a good idea to get more people to help. As you always tell me, many hands make a lighter work. You always say that when there's heavy lifting and you supervise.
Mr. Codswallop: Will you get over this business about manure. There is no manure. The word is Manor.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, if that's the way they say it over here, then I'll call it manor.
Mr. Codswallop: That is much better.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Thanks. Now when is breakfast. I'm starved.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: You dog, you.
Mr. Codswallop: It was not like that at all. At least it was not that way from my point of view.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It's okay. If you did the dirty, she's your fiance, not mine.
Mr. Codswallop: She is not my fiance.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Have it your way.
Mr. Codswallop: The woman attempted to kiss me.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I knew it. You are a romantic guy after all.
Mr. Codswallop: I did not kiss her. I refused and sent her away.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sure. Whatever you say.
Mr. Codswallop: She had a plan. I am certain of it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: A plan to seduce you? Wow. I never thought she was the type.
Mr. Codswallop: I have no interest in marrying her and being a part of their evil plan for global domination.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She is into domination. I like her more all the time.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you can explain your tryst with a certain Lady of Pyle Manor.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She wanted to play tic tac toe, which she called X's and tics. Must be the English name for the game.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt that is what Her Ladyship had in mind.
Mr. Flapdoodle: She seemed to be awfully interested in talking about manure and stuff.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe the women were attempting to compromise us into their plans.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, Her Ladyship went off to pile manure.
Mr. Codswallop: She never left. I saw her this morning. She appeared on her way to visit Elizabeth and Charles Stuart.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Piling manure is a hard job. It's a good idea to get more people to help. As you always tell me, many hands make a lighter work. You always say that when there's heavy lifting and you supervise.
Mr. Codswallop: Will you get over this business about manure. There is no manure. The word is Manor.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, if that's the way they say it over here, then I'll call it manor.
Mr. Codswallop: That is much better.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Thanks. Now when is breakfast. I'm starved.
Comments
Monday, March 15, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXXII
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Oh, there you are Flapdoodle. I have been looking all over for you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hi Lady Manure Pile.
Her Ladyship: It is not...well...that word...it is correctly pronounced as Manor.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, I always say Manure. I'd never use one of those other words with a lady present.
Her Ladyship: It is Pyle Manor, and not the reverse.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, you can pile manure in a manure pile. Any way you like is fine with me.
Her Ladyship: I do not believe that you understand that my name is also my title.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I always address the ladies as ladies. Even Codswallop agrees with that.
Her Ladyship: Let us not concern ourselves with formalities. I want to get to know you better.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, you know me. That's settled.
Her Ladyship: Did you know that I have always considered you to be an attractive man?
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's nice. Cyrus seems to find you very attractive as well.
Her Ladyship: Let us forget about that family. I would prefer to share the evening with you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, that's nice and all, but I have to be back at the dungeon later.
Her Ladyship: I am certain I can provide you with many wonderful and exotic reasons to remain here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want to play X's and tics? I never heard it called that before, But I guess that's what it's called over here. Kind of like a bonnet and a boot on your cars. Put my X in the centre square.
Her Ladyship: You are a most supercillious buffoon.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, I don't need any shots, if you are worried about my health.
Her Ladyship: Kiss me you fool.
Mr. Flapdoodle: But you are Cyrus's lady friend. I must pass.
Her Ladyship: But I want to leave that old goat Cyrus for you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't know Cyrus raised goats, but you know a lot about animals and manure so I'll take your word for it.
Her Ladyship: Do I have to spell this out for you?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh no. Spelling out means you are going to say words that are not polite for a lady.
Her Ladyship: This is of absolutely no use whatsoever. You are beyond reason.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Are we going to play X's and tics or not?
Her Ladyship: Good night you blithering oaf.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You never said you wanted a loaf or I would have gone to the bakery.
Her Ladyship: You are utterly hopeless. I am considering a return to Pyle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, whatever you pile, don't over work yourself.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hi Lady Manure Pile.
Her Ladyship: It is not...well...that word...it is correctly pronounced as Manor.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, I always say Manure. I'd never use one of those other words with a lady present.
Her Ladyship: It is Pyle Manor, and not the reverse.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, you can pile manure in a manure pile. Any way you like is fine with me.
Her Ladyship: I do not believe that you understand that my name is also my title.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I always address the ladies as ladies. Even Codswallop agrees with that.
Her Ladyship: Let us not concern ourselves with formalities. I want to get to know you better.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, you know me. That's settled.
Her Ladyship: Did you know that I have always considered you to be an attractive man?
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's nice. Cyrus seems to find you very attractive as well.
Her Ladyship: Let us forget about that family. I would prefer to share the evening with you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, that's nice and all, but I have to be back at the dungeon later.
Her Ladyship: I am certain I can provide you with many wonderful and exotic reasons to remain here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want to play X's and tics? I never heard it called that before, But I guess that's what it's called over here. Kind of like a bonnet and a boot on your cars. Put my X in the centre square.
Her Ladyship: You are a most supercillious buffoon.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, I don't need any shots, if you are worried about my health.
Her Ladyship: Kiss me you fool.
Mr. Flapdoodle: But you are Cyrus's lady friend. I must pass.
Her Ladyship: But I want to leave that old goat Cyrus for you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't know Cyrus raised goats, but you know a lot about animals and manure so I'll take your word for it.
Her Ladyship: Do I have to spell this out for you?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh no. Spelling out means you are going to say words that are not polite for a lady.
Her Ladyship: This is of absolutely no use whatsoever. You are beyond reason.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Are we going to play X's and tics or not?
Her Ladyship: Good night you blithering oaf.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You never said you wanted a loaf or I would have gone to the bakery.
Her Ladyship: You are utterly hopeless. I am considering a return to Pyle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, whatever you pile, don't over work yourself.
Comments
Sunday, March 14, 2004
The celebetter letter
Mr. Codswallop: What in the world are you doing?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, it's like this. Darren Rowse of Blogger Idol asked us to write a letter to a celebrity.
Mr. Codswallop: You never do anything else anyone requests of you, so why would you write to an alleged celebrity?
Mr. Flapdoodle: It would be easier if I could decide which one to write to.
Mr. Codswallop: Has your interest, in the lewd decadence of modern popular culture, not provided you with sufficient names?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well there are simply so many to choose from.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you no way of cutting that number down to a more manageable size?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I really like the ladies that appear in beer commercials.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you know any of their names?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never thought of that.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps, you could select a well known individual who appears in the news on a regular basis.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Someone who is well known for their well knowness?
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you have a favoured screen star, or someone of dubious talent, who clutters up the television screen?
Mr. Flapdoodle: There are sure lots of lovely ladies to choose from.
Mr. Codswallop: In the event that you do finally select a person, whom you are never likely to meet, what will you write to her?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I think a form letter would work.
Mr. Codswallop: Why would you choose something as impersonal as a form letter?
Mr. Flapdoodle: When I had that office boy job; you remember that one? The one where I moved stuff around the office, until they fired me, for taking too many breaks?
Mr. Codswallop: Are you referring to your alleged employment, where you were dismissed, for pouring copious amounts of whisky into your coffee?
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's the one.
Mr. Codswallop: What does that employment termination have to do with form letters?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, one of the secretaries, who I took out a few times but that's another story, mentioned to another secretary, as I was picking up paper off the floor, that she could send the same letter to an entire list of people.
Mr. Codswallop: I trust, after that labyrinthine discussion, that you are talking about a mail merge concept.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I have nothing against male marriages. To each his own and live and let live.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt if you are understanding the concept.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't understand the marriage laws, but I can send the same letter to lots of people.
Mr. Codswallop: How many celebrity form letters are you planning to send?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, after all of this talking, I forgot what I was going to write.
Mr. Codswallop: You mean you will be sending out no letters at all?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, but I remembered that secretary's name. I'm contacting asking her out again.
Mr. Codswallop: You are intending to write to her?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, I'm using the phone. I hate writing letters.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, it's like this. Darren Rowse of Blogger Idol asked us to write a letter to a celebrity.
Mr. Codswallop: You never do anything else anyone requests of you, so why would you write to an alleged celebrity?
Mr. Flapdoodle: It would be easier if I could decide which one to write to.
Mr. Codswallop: Has your interest, in the lewd decadence of modern popular culture, not provided you with sufficient names?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well there are simply so many to choose from.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you no way of cutting that number down to a more manageable size?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I really like the ladies that appear in beer commercials.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you know any of their names?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never thought of that.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps, you could select a well known individual who appears in the news on a regular basis.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Someone who is well known for their well knowness?
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you have a favoured screen star, or someone of dubious talent, who clutters up the television screen?
Mr. Flapdoodle: There are sure lots of lovely ladies to choose from.
Mr. Codswallop: In the event that you do finally select a person, whom you are never likely to meet, what will you write to her?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I think a form letter would work.
Mr. Codswallop: Why would you choose something as impersonal as a form letter?
Mr. Flapdoodle: When I had that office boy job; you remember that one? The one where I moved stuff around the office, until they fired me, for taking too many breaks?
Mr. Codswallop: Are you referring to your alleged employment, where you were dismissed, for pouring copious amounts of whisky into your coffee?
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's the one.
Mr. Codswallop: What does that employment termination have to do with form letters?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, one of the secretaries, who I took out a few times but that's another story, mentioned to another secretary, as I was picking up paper off the floor, that she could send the same letter to an entire list of people.
Mr. Codswallop: I trust, after that labyrinthine discussion, that you are talking about a mail merge concept.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I have nothing against male marriages. To each his own and live and let live.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt if you are understanding the concept.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't understand the marriage laws, but I can send the same letter to lots of people.
Mr. Codswallop: How many celebrity form letters are you planning to send?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, after all of this talking, I forgot what I was going to write.
Mr. Codswallop: You mean you will be sending out no letters at all?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, but I remembered that secretary's name. I'm contacting asking her out again.
Mr. Codswallop: You are intending to write to her?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, I'm using the phone. I hate writing letters.
Comments
Saturday, March 13, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXXI
Elizabeth Stuart: Well, Codswallop. You are my betrothed.
Mr. Codswallop: I would prefer a different title.
Elizabeth: Why can we not be wed as friends, and perhaps you could share in the glorious future.
Mr. Codswallop: I see nothing glorious in what is about to befall us.
Elizabeth: Surely you see some value in our cordiality.
Mr. Codswallop: I see nothing but misery for all concerned, and even for those who are not part of this ridiculous charade.
Elizabeth: I am impressed by your powerful stance on this matter. You show great strength of character.
Mr. Codswallop: I realize your dastardly scheme for global dominion.
Elizabeth: Perhaps then, you can see the value of our union. You may enjoy our our conjugal bliss.
Mr. Codswallop: I have taken a vow of celibacy.
Elizabeth: Certainly a handsome and dashing man, like yourself, would find such a vow impossible to keep.
Mr. Codswallop: It appears to be very easily maintained while in the present company.
Elizabeth: There is no need to be coy, Coddy. I may call you Coddy, might I?
Mr. Codswallop: No you might not.
Elizabeth: You do find me attractive, a young woman like me, full of zest for life and excitment. And even pleasure.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe my vow appears ever more attractive by the moment.
Elizabeth: Emrace me. Kiss me, Coddy. Show me your manliness.
Mr. Codswallop: As Flapdoodle would say, I think I'll pass.
Elizabeth: You would turn down the affections of your future bride.
Mr. Codswallop: I would not turn down the affections of my future bride.
Elizabeth: That is so wonderful. We shall kiss and seal our engagement.
Mr. Codswallop: I said I would embrace the affections of my future bride. That lady is not you.
Elizabeth: We shall see about that.
Mr. Codswallop: You see what you want. I'll be seeing you, and my name is Codswallop. It is not Coddy. Comments
Mr. Codswallop: I would prefer a different title.
Elizabeth: Why can we not be wed as friends, and perhaps you could share in the glorious future.
Mr. Codswallop: I see nothing glorious in what is about to befall us.
Elizabeth: Surely you see some value in our cordiality.
Mr. Codswallop: I see nothing but misery for all concerned, and even for those who are not part of this ridiculous charade.
Elizabeth: I am impressed by your powerful stance on this matter. You show great strength of character.
Mr. Codswallop: I realize your dastardly scheme for global dominion.
Elizabeth: Perhaps then, you can see the value of our union. You may enjoy our our conjugal bliss.
Mr. Codswallop: I have taken a vow of celibacy.
Elizabeth: Certainly a handsome and dashing man, like yourself, would find such a vow impossible to keep.
Mr. Codswallop: It appears to be very easily maintained while in the present company.
Elizabeth: There is no need to be coy, Coddy. I may call you Coddy, might I?
Mr. Codswallop: No you might not.
Elizabeth: You do find me attractive, a young woman like me, full of zest for life and excitment. And even pleasure.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe my vow appears ever more attractive by the moment.
Elizabeth: Emrace me. Kiss me, Coddy. Show me your manliness.
Mr. Codswallop: As Flapdoodle would say, I think I'll pass.
Elizabeth: You would turn down the affections of your future bride.
Mr. Codswallop: I would not turn down the affections of my future bride.
Elizabeth: That is so wonderful. We shall kiss and seal our engagement.
Mr. Codswallop: I said I would embrace the affections of my future bride. That lady is not you.
Elizabeth: We shall see about that.
Mr. Codswallop: You see what you want. I'll be seeing you, and my name is Codswallop. It is not Coddy. Comments
Friday, March 12, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXX
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cedric, have you devised any plan for our escaping from this dreadful loaction?
Mr. Flapdoodle: And how to get out of here too.
Uncle Cedric: There are powerful forces afoot here. There are events transpiring that could change the entire globe.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are on foot?
Mr. Codswallop: We are facing the combined forces of many of the world's most secret societies as they attempt to subjugate all of humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They suffocated someone?
Uncle Cedric: While I possess your father's life extending white powdered gold formula, I still have cards to play.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Now there's a plan. We'll play poker for it. I'll get the cards.
Uncle Cedric: I also hold the secret of the Annunaki weaponry. A little known fact is that possession of the said weapons of mass destruction is not enough. Knowing how to use them is even more important.
Mr. Codswallop: How powerful are these weapons?
Uncle Cedric: They range widely, from the power of a nuclear warhead to, that of one that could kill the majority of the world's population in a few moments.
Mr. Codswallop: What does that have to do with me though?
Uncle Cedric: You possess the Annunaki bloodline. Combined with Elizabeth Stuart, your child would be as close to full blooded alien, as is possible today.
Mr. Codswallop: Why would that have any importance?
Uncle Cedric: Those of the true Dragon Bloodline believe that only they can benefit from the use of the white powdered gold. They consider it ineffective for anyone else.
Mr. Codswallop: Would it work for me?
Uncle Cedric: I believe that it would. I sincerely doubt, however, that you would live much past the birth of your super child.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I read that comic book.
Mr. Codswallop: We must stop this diabolical plan.
Uncle Cedric: They and their minions outnumber us greatly. They also have many powerful forces arrayed against us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: A raid? Must be their poker game.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us devise a plan of action.
Mr. Flapdoodle: When does the card game begin? I want a good chair.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: And how to get out of here too.
Uncle Cedric: There are powerful forces afoot here. There are events transpiring that could change the entire globe.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are on foot?
Mr. Codswallop: We are facing the combined forces of many of the world's most secret societies as they attempt to subjugate all of humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They suffocated someone?
Uncle Cedric: While I possess your father's life extending white powdered gold formula, I still have cards to play.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Now there's a plan. We'll play poker for it. I'll get the cards.
Uncle Cedric: I also hold the secret of the Annunaki weaponry. A little known fact is that possession of the said weapons of mass destruction is not enough. Knowing how to use them is even more important.
Mr. Codswallop: How powerful are these weapons?
Uncle Cedric: They range widely, from the power of a nuclear warhead to, that of one that could kill the majority of the world's population in a few moments.
Mr. Codswallop: What does that have to do with me though?
Uncle Cedric: You possess the Annunaki bloodline. Combined with Elizabeth Stuart, your child would be as close to full blooded alien, as is possible today.
Mr. Codswallop: Why would that have any importance?
Uncle Cedric: Those of the true Dragon Bloodline believe that only they can benefit from the use of the white powdered gold. They consider it ineffective for anyone else.
Mr. Codswallop: Would it work for me?
Uncle Cedric: I believe that it would. I sincerely doubt, however, that you would live much past the birth of your super child.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I read that comic book.
Mr. Codswallop: We must stop this diabolical plan.
Uncle Cedric: They and their minions outnumber us greatly. They also have many powerful forces arrayed against us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: A raid? Must be their poker game.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us devise a plan of action.
Mr. Flapdoodle: When does the card game begin? I want a good chair.
Comments
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXIX
Charles Stuart: There are some major problems developing with that entire Codswallop clan.
Elizabeth: We can handle them. They do not possess a viable brain among them.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I can take care of Cyrus. He is such a pompous old fool.
Charles Stuart: Codswallop the nephew will accept the marriage. Yes, he will be reluctant, but he will do his duty.
Elizabeth: He is not entirely revolting. He has some redeeming qualities, despite his inherent stupidity.
Her Ladyship: Cedric Codswallop may have scientific knowledge, but like any other of that wretched breed, he can barely knot his own shoe strings.
Charles: Of course, that ridiculous Flapdoodle is merely a court jester at best.
Elizabeth: Like Codswallop, he does possess a few rather limited offbeat charms. Some women, who lack our more refined tastes, might even find him somewhat attractive.
Her Ladyship: We would never allow such women into our social circles, however.
Charles: Are you ladies quite through with your assessment of those two fools?
Elizabeth: I shall be marrying one of them.
Charles: I shall have the joy of executing him as a traitor, once we have succeeded to the Throne of the World.
Elizabeth: I shall be Queen and rule as Regent for my son.
Her Ladyship: I shall be in charge of the global culture. Anyone who fails to live up to my standards may find themselves regretting their choices.
Charles: That certainly leaves Flapdoodle out in the cold.
Her Ladyship: Or deep in a dungeon forever.
Elizabeth: We could order him executed as a gift to my son for his birthday.
Charles: That would be capital indeed. It would teach him the proper method of dealing with his obvious inferiors.
Her Ladyship: The entire world population is inferior. They are all entirely useless eaters who would better serve the planet by dying.
Charles: Some of Cedric Codswallop's Annunaki weapons will see to that errand.
Elizabeth: Oh Father, you do make ruling the world sound so delightful.
Charles: I do want you, and my intensely Annunaki bloodline grandchild, to be happy.
Comments
Elizabeth: We can handle them. They do not possess a viable brain among them.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I can take care of Cyrus. He is such a pompous old fool.
Charles Stuart: Codswallop the nephew will accept the marriage. Yes, he will be reluctant, but he will do his duty.
Elizabeth: He is not entirely revolting. He has some redeeming qualities, despite his inherent stupidity.
Her Ladyship: Cedric Codswallop may have scientific knowledge, but like any other of that wretched breed, he can barely knot his own shoe strings.
Charles: Of course, that ridiculous Flapdoodle is merely a court jester at best.
Elizabeth: Like Codswallop, he does possess a few rather limited offbeat charms. Some women, who lack our more refined tastes, might even find him somewhat attractive.
Her Ladyship: We would never allow such women into our social circles, however.
Charles: Are you ladies quite through with your assessment of those two fools?
Elizabeth: I shall be marrying one of them.
Charles: I shall have the joy of executing him as a traitor, once we have succeeded to the Throne of the World.
Elizabeth: I shall be Queen and rule as Regent for my son.
Her Ladyship: I shall be in charge of the global culture. Anyone who fails to live up to my standards may find themselves regretting their choices.
Charles: That certainly leaves Flapdoodle out in the cold.
Her Ladyship: Or deep in a dungeon forever.
Elizabeth: We could order him executed as a gift to my son for his birthday.
Charles: That would be capital indeed. It would teach him the proper method of dealing with his obvious inferiors.
Her Ladyship: The entire world population is inferior. They are all entirely useless eaters who would better serve the planet by dying.
Charles: Some of Cedric Codswallop's Annunaki weapons will see to that errand.
Elizabeth: Oh Father, you do make ruling the world sound so delightful.
Charles: I do want you, and my intensely Annunaki bloodline grandchild, to be happy.
Comments
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXVIII
Mr. Codswallop: Have you awakened yet?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Huh?
Mr. Codswallop: We must plan our escape from this prison.
Mr. Flapdoodle: What time's it?
Mr. Codswallop: It is time that you arose from your bed. We have work to do and precious little time to accomplish it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Maybe later.
Mr. Codswallop: Get up now!
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sure, after you had the bigger bed. Likely softer too.
Mr. Codswallop: We must formulate a plan for our exit.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You ate formula? Is there no sugar frosted cereal?
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus and Charles will not be resting. They will be working on their evil plot.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They can garden all they want. I'll just sleep.
Mr. Codswallop: If you had not drank so much, you would be of more value to our cause.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't want a cause.
Mr. Codswallop: Here we go...
Mr. Flapdoodle: Thiose were my covers. It's cold.
Mr. Codswallop: Up you get...
Mr. Flapdoodle: Let go of my leg. Your hands are cold.
Mr. Codswallop: We must get going.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your cold hands will do the job for you. One touch from them will drive Elizabeth away for sure.
Mr. Codswallop: We have too much work to do for you to spend all day in bed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You work. I'll rest up.
Mr. Codswallop: The shower is over there.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hope you didn't use all the hot water.
Mr. Codswallop: A cold shower would be of even more benefit for you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep, you have Elizabeth. That woman is a human cold shower.
Mr. Codswallop: At risk of using one of your less intelligent colloquialisms. Tell me about it.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Huh?
Mr. Codswallop: We must plan our escape from this prison.
Mr. Flapdoodle: What time's it?
Mr. Codswallop: It is time that you arose from your bed. We have work to do and precious little time to accomplish it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Maybe later.
Mr. Codswallop: Get up now!
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sure, after you had the bigger bed. Likely softer too.
Mr. Codswallop: We must formulate a plan for our exit.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You ate formula? Is there no sugar frosted cereal?
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus and Charles will not be resting. They will be working on their evil plot.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They can garden all they want. I'll just sleep.
Mr. Codswallop: If you had not drank so much, you would be of more value to our cause.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't want a cause.
Mr. Codswallop: Here we go...
Mr. Flapdoodle: Thiose were my covers. It's cold.
Mr. Codswallop: Up you get...
Mr. Flapdoodle: Let go of my leg. Your hands are cold.
Mr. Codswallop: We must get going.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your cold hands will do the job for you. One touch from them will drive Elizabeth away for sure.
Mr. Codswallop: We have too much work to do for you to spend all day in bed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You work. I'll rest up.
Mr. Codswallop: The shower is over there.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hope you didn't use all the hot water.
Mr. Codswallop: A cold shower would be of even more benefit for you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep, you have Elizabeth. That woman is a human cold shower.
Mr. Codswallop: At risk of using one of your less intelligent colloquialisms. Tell me about it.
Comments
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXVII
Uncle Cedric: What do you want with me? You already have our nephew held prisoner.
Uncle Cyrus: Have you got the formula for the white powdered gold?
Uncle Cedric: What would be your interest in that recipe?
Uncle Cyrus: You know as well as I do that our brother Cyril had the formula for eternal youth.
Uncle Cedric: Cyril had a beautiful wife.
Uncle Cyrus: Charles and Elizabeth require the white powdered gold to retain their youthful vigour.
Uncle Cedric: They can buy a blue pill for that.
Uncle Cyrus: The white powdered gold is a necessity for all descendents of the Anunnaki gods.
Uncle Cedric: And you think Charles and Elizabeth are those descendents.
Uncle Cyrus: Quit playing the fool like that oafish Flapdoodle. The story of how the gods created humanity as slaves to mine their gold is well known. The Anunnaki have humans as their cattle herd. When their home world Niburu returns, to our part of the solar system every 3600 years, they renew that master slave relationship.
Uncle Cedric: That is true, but you have no certainty that Charles and Elizabeth are their offspring.
Uncle Cyrus: When the Anunnaki left the earth, or went underground, they mated with human women and the offspring are the true ruling class. The gods passed the kingship along to their hybrid children. They are a separate breed from the common hordes. That is the true divine right of kings.
Uncle Cedric: But they need the white powdered gold to maintain the long life spans of the Anunnaki.
Uncle Cyrus: Aha. You do admit to knowing the true history of our planet.
Uncle Cedric: The Anunnaki left a long time ago. It's over for them an their supposed children.
Uncle Cyrus: It is not over. They shall rise again and rule over the disgusting people of the world.
Uncle Cedric: You honestly expect our nephew and me to go along with your plan to help enslave the world under one family's rule?
Uncle Cyrus: It is humanity's duty to serve their betters.
Uncle Cedric: I shall have no part of this.
Uncle Cyrus: You have the formula and you have the Anunnaki advanced weaponry. You will turn it over, or there will be retribution.
Uncle Cedric: I refuse.
Uncle Cyrus: You may be my brother, but I will see to it that you will pay for your refusal.
Uncle Cedric: Well, I know the secrets, and you do not.
Uncle Cyrus: We shall see about that.
Comments
Uncle Cyrus: Have you got the formula for the white powdered gold?
Uncle Cedric: What would be your interest in that recipe?
Uncle Cyrus: You know as well as I do that our brother Cyril had the formula for eternal youth.
Uncle Cedric: Cyril had a beautiful wife.
Uncle Cyrus: Charles and Elizabeth require the white powdered gold to retain their youthful vigour.
Uncle Cedric: They can buy a blue pill for that.
Uncle Cyrus: The white powdered gold is a necessity for all descendents of the Anunnaki gods.
Uncle Cedric: And you think Charles and Elizabeth are those descendents.
Uncle Cyrus: Quit playing the fool like that oafish Flapdoodle. The story of how the gods created humanity as slaves to mine their gold is well known. The Anunnaki have humans as their cattle herd. When their home world Niburu returns, to our part of the solar system every 3600 years, they renew that master slave relationship.
Uncle Cedric: That is true, but you have no certainty that Charles and Elizabeth are their offspring.
Uncle Cyrus: When the Anunnaki left the earth, or went underground, they mated with human women and the offspring are the true ruling class. The gods passed the kingship along to their hybrid children. They are a separate breed from the common hordes. That is the true divine right of kings.
Uncle Cedric: But they need the white powdered gold to maintain the long life spans of the Anunnaki.
Uncle Cyrus: Aha. You do admit to knowing the true history of our planet.
Uncle Cedric: The Anunnaki left a long time ago. It's over for them an their supposed children.
Uncle Cyrus: It is not over. They shall rise again and rule over the disgusting people of the world.
Uncle Cedric: You honestly expect our nephew and me to go along with your plan to help enslave the world under one family's rule?
Uncle Cyrus: It is humanity's duty to serve their betters.
Uncle Cedric: I shall have no part of this.
Uncle Cyrus: You have the formula and you have the Anunnaki advanced weaponry. You will turn it over, or there will be retribution.
Uncle Cedric: I refuse.
Uncle Cyrus: You may be my brother, but I will see to it that you will pay for your refusal.
Uncle Cedric: Well, I know the secrets, and you do not.
Uncle Cyrus: We shall see about that.
Comments
Monday, March 08, 2004
Confession and Fishin'
Mr. Codswallop: That Darren Rowse and his Blogger idol appear to be seeking confessions.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't do it.
Mr. Codswallop: Well certainly not. It is Darren Rowse's topic idea of "I confess" to which I refer.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Ah, what did you do this time?
Mr. Codswallop: I have done nothing that warrants a public confession.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I could tell some real stories about you.
Mr. Codswallop: They would all be complete and utter fabrications.
Mr. Flapdoodle: So, what would be so bad about that? It would enhance your reputation as a bad dude.
Mr. Codswallop: I would rather not have such a sordid image as the one you propose.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never proposed to anyone.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, if you want to get technical, you did offer to wed one of the Mason twins, during one of your more amourous moments.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That doesn't count. I don't remember which one it was. I couldn't tell them apart.
Mr. Codswallop: You could find yourself confessing your undying love, with a fully loaded firearm aimed at your person.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That was how they got cousin Ezra alright.
Mr. Codswallop: The best idea for you is to confess your trangressions, and come clean, with a pure conscience.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never did anything to any transsexuals.
Mr. Codswallop: Your lack of tact in such delicate matters is appalling. You do realize that one can not help how he or she feels.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They can help going to Sweden for an operation though.
Mr. Codswallop: You must confess your lack of compassion for others.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I like to think I have a lot of passion thank you very much.
Mr. Codswallop: Did you not receive any spiritual instruction when you were a child?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, Reverend Bicklighter did tell us not to soil our bodies, or engage in anything that might be fun.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe the good minister was guiding you toward a blessed life.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep. I confess. I followed his advice. I always bath and I never got engaged.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe you missed the entire point of his teachings.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I confess I missed a lot of his teachings. Fishing was a lot more fun.
Mr. Codswallop: You went fishing rather than attend Sunday School?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, the Reverend started talking about going out to be fishers of men. I did as he said. I went out fishing.
Mr. Codswallop: I certainly would not want to confess to that complete lack of comprehension.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I confess. Now let's go fishing.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't do it.
Mr. Codswallop: Well certainly not. It is Darren Rowse's topic idea of "I confess" to which I refer.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Ah, what did you do this time?
Mr. Codswallop: I have done nothing that warrants a public confession.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I could tell some real stories about you.
Mr. Codswallop: They would all be complete and utter fabrications.
Mr. Flapdoodle: So, what would be so bad about that? It would enhance your reputation as a bad dude.
Mr. Codswallop: I would rather not have such a sordid image as the one you propose.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never proposed to anyone.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, if you want to get technical, you did offer to wed one of the Mason twins, during one of your more amourous moments.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That doesn't count. I don't remember which one it was. I couldn't tell them apart.
Mr. Codswallop: You could find yourself confessing your undying love, with a fully loaded firearm aimed at your person.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That was how they got cousin Ezra alright.
Mr. Codswallop: The best idea for you is to confess your trangressions, and come clean, with a pure conscience.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never did anything to any transsexuals.
Mr. Codswallop: Your lack of tact in such delicate matters is appalling. You do realize that one can not help how he or she feels.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They can help going to Sweden for an operation though.
Mr. Codswallop: You must confess your lack of compassion for others.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I like to think I have a lot of passion thank you very much.
Mr. Codswallop: Did you not receive any spiritual instruction when you were a child?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, Reverend Bicklighter did tell us not to soil our bodies, or engage in anything that might be fun.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe the good minister was guiding you toward a blessed life.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep. I confess. I followed his advice. I always bath and I never got engaged.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe you missed the entire point of his teachings.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I confess I missed a lot of his teachings. Fishing was a lot more fun.
Mr. Codswallop: You went fishing rather than attend Sunday School?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, the Reverend started talking about going out to be fishers of men. I did as he said. I went out fishing.
Mr. Codswallop: I certainly would not want to confess to that complete lack of comprehension.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I confess. Now let's go fishing.
Comments
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXVI
Mr. Codswallop: At least they provided us with presentable accomdation.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your room is bigger than mine.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe this is time to be appraising the relative size of the bedrooms.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And your bathroom is bigger too.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not think that this time might be better served by discussing escape?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't know you served time. You never told me.
Mr. Codswallop: I never spent any time in the prison system.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's okay. You paid your debt to society.
Mr. Codswallop: I have never been in jail.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Alright. Have it your way.
Mr. Codswallop: We must concentrate our efforts on escaping from this nightmare.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Didn't you learn escapes when you were in jail?
Mr. Codswallop: Where on earth did you get the impression that I have been a ward of the penal system?
Mr. Flapdoodle: They gave you an award. Figures. You would be a model prisoner.
Mr. Codswallop: I give up.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's what Cousin Ira said when they locked him up too.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you any ideas as to how we can escape from this place and get away from Charles and Elizabeth?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, the door is locked.
Mr. Codswallop: I know that. Tell me something that I do not know.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Elizabeth doesn't like you.
Mr. Codswallop: That is no secret, but it is the best news I have had all day.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then I'll try to think of something else you don't know.
Mr. CodswallopL I do not know how to get free of this place and these people and their diabolical plot.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We need to escape.
Mr. Codswallop: Now you are finally catching on.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We need a plan.
Mr. Codswallop: That is what I have been saying.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You were talking about your prison days.
Mr. Codswallop: I am going to bed. Perhaps this horrible dream will end when I awaken.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your bed is bigger too. Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your room is bigger than mine.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe this is time to be appraising the relative size of the bedrooms.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And your bathroom is bigger too.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not think that this time might be better served by discussing escape?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't know you served time. You never told me.
Mr. Codswallop: I never spent any time in the prison system.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's okay. You paid your debt to society.
Mr. Codswallop: I have never been in jail.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Alright. Have it your way.
Mr. Codswallop: We must concentrate our efforts on escaping from this nightmare.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Didn't you learn escapes when you were in jail?
Mr. Codswallop: Where on earth did you get the impression that I have been a ward of the penal system?
Mr. Flapdoodle: They gave you an award. Figures. You would be a model prisoner.
Mr. Codswallop: I give up.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's what Cousin Ira said when they locked him up too.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you any ideas as to how we can escape from this place and get away from Charles and Elizabeth?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, the door is locked.
Mr. Codswallop: I know that. Tell me something that I do not know.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Elizabeth doesn't like you.
Mr. Codswallop: That is no secret, but it is the best news I have had all day.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then I'll try to think of something else you don't know.
Mr. CodswallopL I do not know how to get free of this place and these people and their diabolical plot.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We need to escape.
Mr. Codswallop: Now you are finally catching on.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We need a plan.
Mr. Codswallop: That is what I have been saying.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You were talking about your prison days.
Mr. Codswallop: I am going to bed. Perhaps this horrible dream will end when I awaken.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your bed is bigger too. Comments
Saturday, March 06, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXV
Charles Stuart: I do not trust those two imbeciles at all.
Uncle Cyrus: They are much too stupid to do anything. They are harmless.
Charles: Harmless? Harmless? They ruined my plans.
Uncle Cyrus: Do you not mean our plans?
Charles: Well, of course. They also went a long way toward sullying my daughter's good name.
Uncle Cyrus: Well, we certainly could not have that.
Charles: Are you mocking me?
Uncle Cyrus: We have more important business at hand.
Joseph: The two knaves are locked in their quarters.
Charles: Is there a guard at their doors?
Joseph: Six of my most trusted men are making certain no one enters or leaves that area.
Charles: That is excellent news. Good show.
Uncle Cyrus: Oh, hello my dear.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Are those vulgar ruffians in their cells?
Uncle Cyrus: They are in their rooms.
Her Ladyship: I would suggest a dungeon.
Joseph: Do not worry Milady. They pose no possible problems.
Charles: That had better be the case.
Elizabeth: My wedding day should be a blessed event. I shall not be destroyed by some oaf.
Charles: Elizabeth, my dear, all shall go as planned.
Her Ladyship: Ah yes....precisely as planned.
Uncle Cyrus: And what do you mean by that remark?
Her Ladyship: Ah Cyrus, you are so bold. I like that in a man.
Charles: Enough of this prattle. There are plans to be made.
Uncle Cyrus: The alien weapons shall be delievered as promised.
Charles: They had better arrive and of the quality described in your brother's writings.
Uncle Cyrus: Cedric's notes are always very well detailed.
Her Ladyship: I am bored. Let us dine.
Elizabeth: Yes. A feast to celebrate the dawn of a new world order.
Charles: That is indeed worthy of more than one toast.
Comments
Uncle Cyrus: They are much too stupid to do anything. They are harmless.
Charles: Harmless? Harmless? They ruined my plans.
Uncle Cyrus: Do you not mean our plans?
Charles: Well, of course. They also went a long way toward sullying my daughter's good name.
Uncle Cyrus: Well, we certainly could not have that.
Charles: Are you mocking me?
Uncle Cyrus: We have more important business at hand.
Joseph: The two knaves are locked in their quarters.
Charles: Is there a guard at their doors?
Joseph: Six of my most trusted men are making certain no one enters or leaves that area.
Charles: That is excellent news. Good show.
Uncle Cyrus: Oh, hello my dear.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Are those vulgar ruffians in their cells?
Uncle Cyrus: They are in their rooms.
Her Ladyship: I would suggest a dungeon.
Joseph: Do not worry Milady. They pose no possible problems.
Charles: That had better be the case.
Elizabeth: My wedding day should be a blessed event. I shall not be destroyed by some oaf.
Charles: Elizabeth, my dear, all shall go as planned.
Her Ladyship: Ah yes....precisely as planned.
Uncle Cyrus: And what do you mean by that remark?
Her Ladyship: Ah Cyrus, you are so bold. I like that in a man.
Charles: Enough of this prattle. There are plans to be made.
Uncle Cyrus: The alien weapons shall be delievered as promised.
Charles: They had better arrive and of the quality described in your brother's writings.
Uncle Cyrus: Cedric's notes are always very well detailed.
Her Ladyship: I am bored. Let us dine.
Elizabeth: Yes. A feast to celebrate the dawn of a new world order.
Charles: That is indeed worthy of more than one toast.
Comments
Friday, March 05, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXIV
Charles Stuart: Well Codswallop, are you about to do your duty and wed my daughter?
Mr. Codswallop: At risk of giving offence, it does sound like a major task.
Charles: How dare you mock me.
Uncle Cyrus: Easy Charles. The lad will will marry Elizabeth as agreed.
Mr. Codswallop: I never agreed.
Charles: You have no say in the matter. It has been decided.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep. He's got a shotgun.
Charles: Flapdoodle, if I hear any more of your blithering stupidity, I will have no option but to take severe action.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You already did with Codswallop. What could be worse?
Charles: You might be surprised at the potential pain you could experience.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are offering a surprise party? It's about time!
Mr. Codswallop: Shhhh. You are only making matters worse.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think that's possible.
Charles: Silence!
Uncle Cyrus: When are the nuptials planned this time?
Charles: That shall remain a closely guarded secret. There will not be a repetition of the humiliation that took place on the prior occasion.
Mr. Codswallop: It appears to all of the world that my fate is sealed.
Uncle Cyrus: That is capital my boy. You are finally seeing the light.
Mr. Flapdoodle: What capitol? I thought we were in the middle of nowhere.
Charles: I shall inform Elizabeth to prepare for her wedding day.
Uncle Cyrus: Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor is standing with her as well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How is the manure pile lady? She avoids me all the time.
Uncle Cyrus: She is a lady of breeding and culture. She would not condescend to acknowledge your kind.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm kind. That's true.
Charles: Enough of this nonsense. Lock them in their rooms. There shall be no escape this time.
Uncle Cyrus: Joseph will take care of securing the locks.
Mr. Codswallop: I feel doomed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hope they let us out to use the bathroom. Comments
Mr. Codswallop: At risk of giving offence, it does sound like a major task.
Charles: How dare you mock me.
Uncle Cyrus: Easy Charles. The lad will will marry Elizabeth as agreed.
Mr. Codswallop: I never agreed.
Charles: You have no say in the matter. It has been decided.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep. He's got a shotgun.
Charles: Flapdoodle, if I hear any more of your blithering stupidity, I will have no option but to take severe action.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You already did with Codswallop. What could be worse?
Charles: You might be surprised at the potential pain you could experience.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are offering a surprise party? It's about time!
Mr. Codswallop: Shhhh. You are only making matters worse.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think that's possible.
Charles: Silence!
Uncle Cyrus: When are the nuptials planned this time?
Charles: That shall remain a closely guarded secret. There will not be a repetition of the humiliation that took place on the prior occasion.
Mr. Codswallop: It appears to all of the world that my fate is sealed.
Uncle Cyrus: That is capital my boy. You are finally seeing the light.
Mr. Flapdoodle: What capitol? I thought we were in the middle of nowhere.
Charles: I shall inform Elizabeth to prepare for her wedding day.
Uncle Cyrus: Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor is standing with her as well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How is the manure pile lady? She avoids me all the time.
Uncle Cyrus: She is a lady of breeding and culture. She would not condescend to acknowledge your kind.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm kind. That's true.
Charles: Enough of this nonsense. Lock them in their rooms. There shall be no escape this time.
Uncle Cyrus: Joseph will take care of securing the locks.
Mr. Codswallop: I feel doomed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hope they let us out to use the bathroom. Comments
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles XXIII
Mr. Flapdoodle: I am never doing that again.
Mr. Codswallop: What has you so troubled. We had a relaxing afternoon.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We hit a ball with a stick and mostly hunted for the ball.
Mr. Codswallop: Golf is a truly gentlemanly form of exercise.
Mr. Flapdoodle: So is sex.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you no couth whatsoever.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I had my shots.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we had best be on our way to a new location.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep. The bar.
Charles Stuart: Behind bars you mean.
Uncle Cyrus: You are caught my boy.
Joseph: Do not even attempt escape. We have more supporters than you are aware.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You wear a supporter?
Mr. Codswallop: Shhh.
Charles: You are late for your wedding ceremony. You will not get away this time, Codswallop.
Mr. Codswallop: No, of course not. I am fully prepared to do my duty and accept my lot.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How come he gets a lot?
Charles: Silence.
Uncle Cyrus: Go easy on the lad. He is about to cooperate.
Charles: Very well. Let us begin our journey back to the chapel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Dead man walking. Comments
Mr. Codswallop: What has you so troubled. We had a relaxing afternoon.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We hit a ball with a stick and mostly hunted for the ball.
Mr. Codswallop: Golf is a truly gentlemanly form of exercise.
Mr. Flapdoodle: So is sex.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you no couth whatsoever.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I had my shots.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we had best be on our way to a new location.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep. The bar.
Charles Stuart: Behind bars you mean.
Uncle Cyrus: You are caught my boy.
Joseph: Do not even attempt escape. We have more supporters than you are aware.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You wear a supporter?
Mr. Codswallop: Shhh.
Charles: You are late for your wedding ceremony. You will not get away this time, Codswallop.
Mr. Codswallop: No, of course not. I am fully prepared to do my duty and accept my lot.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How come he gets a lot?
Charles: Silence.
Uncle Cyrus: Go easy on the lad. He is about to cooperate.
Charles: Very well. Let us begin our journey back to the chapel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Dead man walking. Comments
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
A Flapdoodle State of Disunion Ad Dress
Ladies and guys,
Thanks for coming. Oh, I meant that about arriving, and not the other. But if that is the case, I believe in live and let live. I want to talk today about the state of society or all of the states but they have society.
It's sometimes high society. I don't just mean drugs. I mean those who are higher up, like in the mountains only different. There are also lower societies but we bowl and play bingo in the mountains too so I'm not sure if that counts. Well, we count the bowling scores and I got a bingo once. I guess that counts. After all, ten bucks is ten bucks.
I was talking politics in the bar the other day. I think voting is good for us. We get to know who lost. Some people care about who won, but that isn't as much fun.
I know they like to play who got lost in Florida. I was there a couple of times but they weren't voting then so I guess it's not the same. There are gators though. Did I mention that I like voting, especially when the water is clear and blue. Maybe when I win at bingo.
Getting back to society. I like the society ladies. They can be higher than me or not. I like them all. The bar was full the other day. I don't know why it's empty today. Maybe there is bowling or bingo. I miss roller derby.
Thank you for listening to my speech.
If you have any ideas how I can make it better, just give me a shout.
Mr. Codswallop started to help, but he stopped. He said I was in coke hearing it or something. I don't get it. I didn't get ten bucks again either.
Thanks.
Comments
Thanks for coming. Oh, I meant that about arriving, and not the other. But if that is the case, I believe in live and let live. I want to talk today about the state of society or all of the states but they have society.
It's sometimes high society. I don't just mean drugs. I mean those who are higher up, like in the mountains only different. There are also lower societies but we bowl and play bingo in the mountains too so I'm not sure if that counts. Well, we count the bowling scores and I got a bingo once. I guess that counts. After all, ten bucks is ten bucks.
I was talking politics in the bar the other day. I think voting is good for us. We get to know who lost. Some people care about who won, but that isn't as much fun.
I know they like to play who got lost in Florida. I was there a couple of times but they weren't voting then so I guess it's not the same. There are gators though. Did I mention that I like voting, especially when the water is clear and blue. Maybe when I win at bingo.
Getting back to society. I like the society ladies. They can be higher than me or not. I like them all. The bar was full the other day. I don't know why it's empty today. Maybe there is bowling or bingo. I miss roller derby.
Thank you for listening to my speech.
If you have any ideas how I can make it better, just give me a shout.
Mr. Codswallop started to help, but he stopped. He said I was in coke hearing it or something. I don't get it. I didn't get ten bucks again either.
Thanks.
Comments
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XXII
Mr. Flapdoodle: This is the life. Sitting around the pub, drinking this warm beer. Chatting with the local ladies.
Mr. Codswallop: You do realize that we are safer here than on the road.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The airport is closer to home.
Mr. Codswallop: The airports are already under heavy surveillance. Charles and Uncle Cyrus will have their representatives watching for our arrival.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You mean they have overweight help?
Mr. Codswallop: Should we arrive at the airport, we would face immediate capture.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And I wouldn't have time to finish my beer.
Mr. Codswallop: We shall spend some time in the countryside. Since we can be just about anywhere, we can be well hidden.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Maybe some of these nice ladies would like some company while we hide.
Mr. Codswallop: You must keep your libido in check. We have more important things to worry us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Speak for yourself. After all, you have to marry Elizabeth. Not me.
Mr. Codswallop: I suggest we move around at night and find new locations each day.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Drink by day, and travel by night?
Mr. Codswallop: If you were to do a little more thinking, and a trifle less drinking, we might be able to evade our pursuers.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Drink your beer before it gets cold. Comments
Mr. Codswallop: You do realize that we are safer here than on the road.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The airport is closer to home.
Mr. Codswallop: The airports are already under heavy surveillance. Charles and Uncle Cyrus will have their representatives watching for our arrival.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You mean they have overweight help?
Mr. Codswallop: Should we arrive at the airport, we would face immediate capture.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And I wouldn't have time to finish my beer.
Mr. Codswallop: We shall spend some time in the countryside. Since we can be just about anywhere, we can be well hidden.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Maybe some of these nice ladies would like some company while we hide.
Mr. Codswallop: You must keep your libido in check. We have more important things to worry us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Speak for yourself. After all, you have to marry Elizabeth. Not me.
Mr. Codswallop: I suggest we move around at night and find new locations each day.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Drink by day, and travel by night?
Mr. Codswallop: If you were to do a little more thinking, and a trifle less drinking, we might be able to evade our pursuers.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Drink your beer before it gets cold. Comments
Monday, March 01, 2004
The Play's the thing
Mr. Codswallop: That usually respectable individual, Darren Rowse of Living Room has disappointed me this week.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are always disappointed. What else is new.
Mr. Codswallop: Imagine, resorting to such a childish topic as "play".
Mr. Flapdoodle: I play.
Mr. Codswallop: You say you play. I doubt if it is a musical instrument.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I play games.
Mr. Codswallop: I should never have doubted that for a moment. You are certainly a player.
Mr. Flapdoodle: A lady once told me that. I offered to play chess and she seemed upset.
Mr. Codswallop: You must not play with a lady's affections.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I play with toys.
Mr. Codswallop: You certainly never act your age.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You act in plays. Not me. You play those Shakespeare guys who talk funny and wear dresses.
Mr. Codswallop: How can you possibly deride the great classic language and intellectually challenging plays of the immortal Bard.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never questioned his morals. Just his playing dressup.
Mr. Codswallop: Must you always play havoc with the English language by displaying your lack of culture and education.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I just call the plays as I see them.
Mr. Codswallop: Your attitude of all play and no work has not helped your career or finances.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought it was all work and no play made Jack plain. Or was that the rain in Spain? I always get those two mixed up.
Mr. Codswallop: It is plain that your emphasis on play at the expense of work is impossible to explain in our lifetime.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want to go on a plane. I thought you wanted to be in a play.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe you are the oaf that you play to be.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never played with any oaf.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we will agree to not play one of us off against the other.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The playoffs are starting? I am outa here. My team is playing.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps there might be a play on at the theatre.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You just play the cards you're dealt.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are always disappointed. What else is new.
Mr. Codswallop: Imagine, resorting to such a childish topic as "play".
Mr. Flapdoodle: I play.
Mr. Codswallop: You say you play. I doubt if it is a musical instrument.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I play games.
Mr. Codswallop: I should never have doubted that for a moment. You are certainly a player.
Mr. Flapdoodle: A lady once told me that. I offered to play chess and she seemed upset.
Mr. Codswallop: You must not play with a lady's affections.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I play with toys.
Mr. Codswallop: You certainly never act your age.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You act in plays. Not me. You play those Shakespeare guys who talk funny and wear dresses.
Mr. Codswallop: How can you possibly deride the great classic language and intellectually challenging plays of the immortal Bard.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never questioned his morals. Just his playing dressup.
Mr. Codswallop: Must you always play havoc with the English language by displaying your lack of culture and education.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I just call the plays as I see them.
Mr. Codswallop: Your attitude of all play and no work has not helped your career or finances.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought it was all work and no play made Jack plain. Or was that the rain in Spain? I always get those two mixed up.
Mr. Codswallop: It is plain that your emphasis on play at the expense of work is impossible to explain in our lifetime.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want to go on a plane. I thought you wanted to be in a play.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe you are the oaf that you play to be.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never played with any oaf.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we will agree to not play one of us off against the other.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The playoffs are starting? I am outa here. My team is playing.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps there might be a play on at the theatre.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You just play the cards you're dealt.
Comments
